My Blog

The importance of putting yourself first

August 4, 2021

When you are walking around with pain in your body and in your mind, what is it that you do to care and nurture yourself? And the real question I want to ask you, is are you allowed to nurture yourself? Do you give yourself permission to give yourself the love and attention that you need?

Simply put, for many years I was not allowed to nurture or really care for myself. I was not important. I did not rate high enough on the expenditure list to validate a massage or to go to a naturopath or a chiropractor. I had to be very unwell first. When I went to the hairdressers, I felt guilty and had to justify to myself that I needed to go to look presentable. And OMG if I paid for a facial then the ‘who do I think I am?’ voice was so loud that it was not worth the emotional turmoil I put myself through. Let’s not even talk about new clothes and shoes as this is still something I am working though to this day. The hesitancy of doing the above things is still within me. However, I now know that this belief of I am not important enough to care for me first is one that I learnt very well from my Mum. I lived that belief throughout my life, not understanding that it was and is a flawed belief.

The belief that I am not important nearly cost me my life when I did not listen to the warning signals of a life-threatening health emergency when I was in my late 20’s. The belief made me resent those who were “allowed” to do the things that were never available to me.

The belief that said – I must tolerate poor behaviour from others even though it hurt so much.

The belief that said - I was not allowed to have a voice.

The belief that said - you get what you get, and you don’t get upset.

The belief that said - you are only a girl.

The belief that said - you cannot do what you want to do.

The belief that said - boys are superior to girls.

The belief that said - you are unworthy!

I vividly recall Mum wearing the same pink skirt with the thin pink belt every Sunday to Church.  I am not sure if she wore the same shirt every week, but I know that the pink skirt was her one and only good outfit for an awfully long time. It was put on to go out and then quickly removed when we arrived back home. The same with shoes - one or two sets of going out shoes.

Mum only went to the doctors if she was dying (as you only went to the doctors if you were dying in our household). I can’t recall my Mum ever doing anything nice for herself. There were no facials, no regular haircuts, no clothes shopping, no massages, no self-care products, no nice face creams or nail polish, hair masks or pretty make up.

Mum was never important enough to have anything that would be considered self-indulgent. She never prioritised her needs and therefore I learnt that this is how it was. This is how it is to be a woman, a mum, and a wife. Always last and never important enough to care for your needs first.

Over the past 20 years I have questioned why I am the way I am. It wasn’t until I started working with a coach and learning the importance of inherited pain that I was able to start to really do the inner work and understand that the pain I carried was not my fault. That the beliefs I carried were not really mine, and that I had the power within ME to heal myself from this inherited pain that I carried around with me every day.

During this time, I have learnt what has really worked for me so that I can LET GO of what no longer serves me. There is so much information, so much talk therapy, so much blame on others that I found it at times confusing and unhelpful. I got bogged down in processes that simply did not work for me.

So, I developed a program, that I am so passionate about, called the ME FIRST 6 Month Coaching Program. The truth is the most important job that we have is looking after our needs first. Prioritising our health and wellbeing must be our highest priority.  Don’t get me wrong, that does not mean going and have a facial every week. What it does mean is tuning into yourself and listening to what your needs are and honoring them first and foremost.

I developed this program for you to understand your story and your truth that is specific to you. So that you can then choose to release the old beliefs that hurt you. To connect with the real you and know that you are worthy - exactly as you are.

Everyone has a story. Some are more painful than others. But when you take the time to hear your own story and understand who you are, then you can choose how that story will affect your life.

Will you allow it to continue to hurt you, or will you let it become the wisdom of what you have learnt about yourself. On the ME FIRST 6 Month Coaching Program I remind you of your magnificence and your inner strength and power to turn up for yourself each day. To learn to put yourself first each day - one step at a time.

For me, I look at my Mum and wonder what my life would have looked like if she had of done this work when I was young. Where would I be today if she knew who she was and had taught me that! My five-year-old daughter motivates me to turn up for me. What motivates you?

What is it that will keep you motivated to continue to turn up each day and change your life for the better?

What is it that will keep you inspired to be magnificent and live life with a ME FIRST philosophy?