My Blog

The role you play

August 25, 2021

I often think of life as a game where we all have a role to play. We take on the role as small children to fit into the dynamics of the household in which we live. When I shifted my thinking towards what role am I playing right now, rather than why am I doing that right now, it helped me understand that I was acting, responding, and behaving the way I was, due to learnt behaviour from my childhood.

Often when we are children, the behaviour we took on to fit in and feel accepted, or to be the same as others, was important and served a purpose. However, as adults this role can be limiting, damaging and extremely unhealthy.

Take, for example, if you took on the role of being a carer when you were a child. Looking after siblings, parents and/or grandparents. You then took on the role in the school yard of being the one people go to when they were upset or hurt. This starts to form part of your identity and becomes who you are.

As an adult you then form a relationship with someone who is often unwell, sick, injured or has ongoing health concerns. You easily look after them as you are the carer. The sick one relies on you, the carer, to look after them. You enable them to remain unwell, whilst they enable you to continue to be a carer. Both these roles were formed in childhood, and both become part of who we believe we are.

We attract people into our lives that fit with our role and feel familiar. Even if you did not like that role as a child. You find yourself living in a similar situation, as you attract to you what you know. Over time, this can lead to frustration and ongoing relationship problems as you blame the other person for ‘doing this to you’. When in fact, it is all within yourself.  

If this resonates with you, it might be time to make a change and untangle the role you have taken on in life.  I can help you navigate this path to lead you towards a healthy relationship with yourself. One that allows you to then have healthy and happy relationships with others. Reach out for a free discovery call booking to learn more.